The difficulties of living in Vietnam...

Someone when I lived in Turkey used the expression a "Bad Turkish Day", I use it here now and today definitely was a bad vietnamese day.

It started well. I played dress up (as if I had to go to work) and went out to explore our surroundings and then went to Sath's school to bring him some cookies. I had a great time but as often when I get out on my own... it didn't end well.

On my way back home a men came by and took a picture of me with his cell phone. You might find it strange that I don't take it as a compliment, although I didn't take it badly neither. It's just that I don't understand why people would want to take a picture of me, I’m no famous person, and not even bother ask if I would agree! Last weekend when we were in lake BaBe, some people even tricked me away from Sath so that they could take pictures of me with them. I didn't say no, but at the same time I really don't understand their motivation, and what I dislike most is that I know they would never dare to do the same with any Vietnamese couple. Why is it different for us then?

However if it had ended with this it wouldn't have bother me, as it made me more laugh than upset me. No what really did upset me was that again I got tricked and ripped off while trying to buy fruits on my way home. I don't care that much about the money, it wasn't much more than a dollar she took from me, what upsets me is that she did it feeling proud of herself and with women around her laughing and almost sheering. The story goes like this: I tried to buy one mango and when she told me the price it was definitely too much, I tried to back off but I had money in my hand (that's still the way I work 'cause they don't all pronounce the numbers the same way). So she made the mango drop and while I turned my attention to it she took the money from my hand and put it in her pocket. What could I do? What should I have done? I took what was left of my pride and went home. I'm not the one that will yell and even if I had it wasn't worth it as they wouldn't have understood me. However, here I am feeling really upset.

I don't care for the money, she might definitely need it more than I do, but what I don't understand is why. Why would someone do something like that? Sath says it's just because I'm white and I had nice clothes on (although they do it even with normal clothes on!) but does that really excuse her behaviour? Since we arrived I have had many different and opposite feelings about this country. I'm sure you wonder what the big deal is. I don't know what really disturbs me the most. I think it is mostly the idea, after many different stories like this, that I don't mean anything to them but the money in my wallet. I'm not even a person, or at least that's the impression I get. I've had people yelling at me, some trying to make jokes (or so I have understood afterwards) some for no reason, but whatever they want from me the only thing I get is that they shout at me, and that isn't really something that make you want to stick around! Some look at me in disdain because I wear a skirt while women here wear mini skirt daily with transparent blouses to go to work! It just seems that whatever I do is wrong and some days it just is overwhelming and I want to hide home for the rest of our stay.

After discussing the matter with Sath I found out that what disrupt me is that what I’m being a target of racism. It has never happened to me before. In every country where I’ve gone I’ve been able to be accepted and to fit in as much as possible. The problem here is that I can’t fit in, I am too different. I understand better now why some foreigners don’t try to fit in when they arrive in Belgium. Racism is not easy to deal with and I wonder if I wouldn’t be happier if we lived in the foreigner’s district here in Hanoi. I know I won’t move but it doesn’t mean the idea is not appealing. Whatever I do, I feel as if I lost all my rights as a human being. I could try to fit in, I could try to understand the language better but that wouldn’t make me less foreign. My only solution is to look at the bright side: now I understand better what racism is like, and I can try to be even more sensitive on the matter. We live in a foreign country, we work there and make money there, we don’t speak the language and, although we don’t live among other foreigners, we don’t live like Vietnamese. We continue to believe in our gods and worship them the way we would at home. Isn’t this what Belgians get upset about? We try to understand how people live here and we try to fit in, but we are still seen as foreigners and therefore we don’t want to make as much effort to change our ways. Yeah, I will continue making friends and try to fit in some more but I hope I won’t forget what it feels like and won’t be so ready to judge the ones that take the easy way and don’t bother.

I'm sure tomorrow will be a better day but today I needed to get this out of my mind...

As there are many things that drive me crazy here I decided to end all my posts balancing the good and the bad:

Bad: Feeling ripped off of all my rights as a human being

Good: Having great friends that take the time to think outside their box and understand my distress. (Thanks for the chat Nam!)